I'm going to post the events of the seminar by day rather than putting them all into one post. I want people to take the time to read each of these carefully and mentally put themselves in the class as I was. I also needed some time to put things into perspective for myself before I wrote anything. I know this first post takes place Friday, but I needed a couple days to let what I've learned fall into place and make sense. The
The second installment of the post will discuss what happened during the Take Back the Night march and rally (just in case there's any confusion about why I don't talk about it here).
Day 1, April 26
This was not a typical sit- in- a- classroom- and- get- lectured class. There were no textbooks. Only the professor and peer educators were present, and our learning tools were ourselves. The peer educators are students who have taken the class before and want to share with us what they have learned. Three groups presented presentations about body image and healthy relationships.
The first group's presentation was about positive attitudes for women and girls. They opened with Disney's "I'm a princess" campaign encouraging young women to see themselves not as the archaic, sexist version of princesses that sit in towers and wait for a man to save them. Instead, we should see ourselves as human beings with strengths and weaknesses. We are individuals with talents, intelligence, strength, compassion and vulnerabilities. In other words, we should embrace our human qualities whether you are a man or woman.
This commercial made me happy because young girls these days start disparaging themselves as early as 12 years old. Phrases like, "I'm fat," "I'm worthless," "Will I be pretty?" leave the mouths of little girls. We are bombarded with with a barrage of images that tell them to behave and look a certain way. We become confused about what's real and what's airbrushed. If you don't have rock hard muscles, you're not a man. If you aren't size zero, then you're fat. Don't eat sweets or you'll get fat. Don't eat in front of men or it will turn them off. If you cry, you're not manly. You shouldn't voice your opinion because people will think you're a bitch. You should date stupid, complicit women to validate your masculinity. If you don't try to score in front of your buddies, you're a fag.These are messages we are constantly bombarded with through mainstream television shows and advertisements.
Children are not immune to this subliminal messaging, and neither are adults. Strategies used by advertising companies to get into your subconscious often prove effective, do they not? If we see ourselves as fat, ugly, stupid, unmanly, faggots and man-hating bitches, then we let the media win. Every time we begin to disparage ourselves in the mirrors, we must step back and remember, "Those models, male and female, are airbrushed and re-sized in Photoshop. Nipples are pulled up higher, curves are tucked in tighter and breasts are made rounder and perkier. All of this and more is possible with Photoshop. I've seen it for myself when I learned how to use it. I remember having an assignment in my text book where I had to make a woman look thinner and her breasts perkier. I was highly offended by this exercise, but I didn't tell the teacher because it wasn't his fault. However, I feel as though he should be more conscious of the material in his text book.
No one is that "perfect" in real life. We are perfectly imperfect, and that is how it should be. I want you all to ask yourselves, "How does having flat stomach and rock hard abs give me worth? How does being conventionally attractive make me happy? Because the media says that's all there is to me?" Isn't there more to you, to all of us, that makes us who we are? Once we can begin to engage ourselves in this discourse, we can engage others.
The same group also presented the Tide Princess commercial. This commercial sent a positive "stay at home dad" image. As opposed to showing a mother doing laundry, they show a dad doing laundry while his daughter pretended to be a cow boy. The commercial presented two important messages both having to deal with "role reversal." I put that in quotes because I don't believe in gender roles; however, I cannot think of a more proper term that people would automatically understand.
So, typically the mother stays at home doing house chores and cooking for her husband who sits down after "bringing home the bread." Being a stay at home parent is a choice, and I do not condemn the choice you make. I do condemn society placing people in those roles. Men can be just as nurturing and compassionate parental figures as women. When moms go to work, dads can help by staying home to do some chores and watch the kids. It's a logical arrangement, if anything.
The little girl wants to pretend to be a cowboy. It's logical to let her play whichever game she wants as long as she's not hurting anyone. Why does she have to play with dolls just because she's a girl? When I was kid, toys were toys. I liked dolls, but I also had (and still have) a great imagination, and I could create a make believe story with just about any toy I could get my hands on. My brother and I didn't care if they were action figures, stuffed animals or Littlest Petshop. I advocate any game that allows a boy and girl to develop their imaginations and intellect, regardless of what gender the toy is marketed to. Kids play make believe to learn about the world and cope with what's happening around them.
Lastly,we looked at images from a Slim Fast campaign meant to make women feel fat.
Here is a picture of the bride figurine falling through the cake. It's similar to saying that she's so fat, she fell through the floor, and she needs to be rescued.
Another offensive image of the groom struggling to hold up the bride despite the fact that she's not even "fat."
Yet an even more offensive picture of a curvaceous woman's wedding dress splitting in the back because her butt is "too big." Okay, that wouldn't happen anyway because wedding dresses are tailored to fit your form. Why would it rip? Slim Fast is promoting this mentality that you need to lose wait to fit into a ridiculously small dress rather than finding a dress that fits you.
Body image: Behind the scenes
Group two's presentation was about body image. Body image effects men and women. Glossy headlines jump out at you when you're on line at the grocery store: "Tips to that flat belly" and "how to get rock hard abs." The magazines are strategically placed just as your purchasing your food for the week. You may think, "Do I need all this food? I'm so fat, and I look even more like a pig because of all the food I'm buying." It's important to keep in mind that these images are airbrushed and tweaked to make the models and celebrities on the covers look that thin and cellulite-free. Most women have some cellulite. Most men are not rock hard. It's normal to look the way you look, but you can't seem to understand that as you eyes enviously gaze over the cover of the glossy magazines.
Yes, her skin is so smooth and her belly is so flat all thanks to photo-editing technology. Also, celebrities tend to be more "fit" (for lack of a better word) than most of us because they have very expensive trainers and dietitians that keep them on super strict starvation diets. Obtaining a flat belly is not all it's cracked up to be. It involves pushing your body past healthy limits during workouts and not eating enough food. Photoshop can be used to define muscles by manipulating shadows and lines on the body of the subject.
Healthy and unhealthy relationships
Group three presented on healthy and unhealthy relationships. They focused on three different types of relationships you can have with people: intimate, family and friendships. The peer educators explained that healthy relationships come from loving and respecting yourself and the other person.
Couples need to be able to trust each other. Jealousy can lead to paranoia and misunderstandings which can lead to breaking up. I decided that if your significant other is jealous and paranoid for no reason, it's best to speak with him or her to figure out why. When he/she tells you why, you can reassure the person that there is nothing to worry about. I think it's better to try to come to an understanding of each other's feelings before you decide to break up and otherwise good relationship. It's better to be transparent to make a relationship work.
The students showed the music video, "If I were a boy" by Beyonce. The video and song is about a couple who are cheating on each other. The point of it was to demonstrate an example of an unhealthy relationship.
Breaking Into Groups
After the presentations, we were assigned into groups with each of two peer educators and discussed consent and rape. Some of the students shared their experiences and questions with the group.
Consent is defined as a sober, ongoing and verbal "yes." We further broke down the terms of the definition to understand what they meant.
Sober means not drunk. So, unless you have a prior arrangement with your partner, it is not generally considered consent if someone tries to have sex with you while you're under the influence. This usually means after you've had so much to drink that you cannot stand straight, see straight or speak properly. At this point your judgment is usually impaired. If a stranger wants to have sex with you, you are not considered to have enough sense to consent if you're that drunk. The person under the influence can be easily taken advantage of. If you plan on getting very drunk, make sure you have a buddy system, so there is always a friend around you to watch your back.
Ongoing means that you want the sex for the entire time you are having sex. If you do not want it, do not say yes because that is considered rape. Anyone can say "yes" to someone's sexual advances, but that does not mean he/she wants it. Perhaps she keeps saying "no" but gives in if the perpetrator keeps pressuring her. If she says "yes" when she means "no" that is considered rape. You should never pressure anyone into having sex if they genuinely do not want to. If at any times during the act the woman decides she wants to stop, the man/woman should stop. Otherwise, they are perpetrating the act of rape.
Verbal obviously means expressed through words. However, that verbal "yes" doesn't always mean "yes." Do not pressure a person into having sex if they keep saying "no." That's considered sexual harassment. Be attentive to your sexual partner and make sure he or she wants to keep going.
If at any time you do not want to have sex, you need to verbalize it. If you verbalize and the person keeps going then that is considered rape. If you are raped, remember that it is not your fault no matter what you wear or where you are. Our society is moving into a more enlightened time, but there are still people out there who believe that rape victims deserve what they got because of what they were wearing or because of where they were. No one asks to be raped. We need to stop teaching women how not to get raped and start teaching men how not to rape.
Wrapping Things Up
After the group meeting, we wrapped the evening up by meeting back with the class and watching some rap videos with degrading lyrics to show us how to be more aware of the music we listen to. We can get so caught up in the way the beat sounds, that we fail to hear what's being said.
We also saw a scene from a show called "Noah's Ark," a show on LOGO. "Noah's Ark" is an open-minded television show about gay men who are trying to cope with who they are and to find love.
